i hate school

People of northwestern Montana have been advised to be on the lookout for drunken bears. Black bears and grizzlies have been congregating along the tracks of the Burlington Northern railroad tracks, where a train carrying hundreds of tons of corn derailed some time ago. The corn has fermented, and the aroma is attracting the bears. "The bears are actually intoxicated up there," said wildlife biologist Loren Hicks. And a grizzly with a hangover can be cross as a bear.


A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders. But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, the officer found the problem : a 10 year old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand-painted sign which said "RADAR TRAP AHEAD."
A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS" & a bucket at his feet full of change.

San Francisco police arrested Russell C. Sultan in July and charged him with attempting to extort $23,000 from his mother and girlfriend by claiming to have been kidnapped for ransom.
After tracing telephone calls, police, guns drawn, burst into a motel room to find Sultan casually eating fried chicken and watching a 49ers football game.
Sultan said the kidnappers had merely left him alone for a while, and exclaimed to the officers, "What took you so long?"
Scene: A courtroom where a witness is testifying in a case involving a man biting off the ear of another man during a fight. After supplying testimony which was very bad for the defendant, the witness was being cross examined by the defendant's attorney.
Attorney: You said that you saw the defendant and the plaintiff in a fight?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: You then said that you were concerned for your safety and that, because of this concern, you sought shelter elsewhere?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: You further stated that during this time of seeking shelter, you turned your back to the fight at hand?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And THEN you testified that that was when the defendant bit off the plaintiff's ear??!!
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: Well, that makes for an interesting question then! If your back was turned to the fight then you obviously MUST have had the plaintiff and the defendant out of your field of vision, correct?
Witness: Yes, correct.
Attorney: Well then, did you SEE the defendant bite off the plaintiff's ear?
Witness: No.
Attorney: (Smugly) THEN HOW DO YOU "KNOW" THAT THE DEFENDANT BIT OFF THE EAR OF THE PLAINTIFF IF YOU DID NOT SEE HIM DO IT??!!
Witness: I saw him spit it out.
(Dead Silence)
Attorney: No more questions.


The church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money to pay their expenses for a special trip. They made a large sign,
CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP
and on the given Saturday business was very good. But by two o'clock the skies clouded and the rain poured and there were hardly any customers.
Finally, one of the girl washers had an idea. She printed a very large poster which said,
WE WASH (then an arrow pointing skyward) GOD RINSES.
Business boomed!


Tokyo, Japan:
A bull bound for slaughter gave its handlers the slip Wednesday and escaped into Tokyo's teeming streets.
The 1,300-pound bull, shipped in from southern Japan, thundered down the gangplank as soon as it was lowered, bolted past port police and headed for the wide open spaces.
More than 20 policeman chased the animal for 40 minutes through nearly three miles of city traffic before managing to herd it into the parking lot of a posh hotel. Waiting patrol cars formed a makeshift corral to avert another escape.
Police then roped the bull's horns and tied it to a tree until the owner came to transport it