i was asked to email a friend who is candidating at our church this weekend. i was asked to make him feel welcome.here is what i said

Hey Mike,
Just a quick note to tell you how excited I am that you are coming to
check out PAC. *SIGH* It will remind me of the grand old days of box
cutters, Mike Pierre, tons and tons of tires rolling off the back of a
truck like so many Cheerios on the floor from a spilled box. Days of
yore with less than effective football plays that caused you to run
flat out for 3 minutes to get back to precisely where you started.
Days of smokin’ guitar rifts as well as the day, ah yes, that fateful
day, when you dropped gloves and took on Mike Pierre because he tested
the boundaries of ‘the Mike’ and his wife. Do you remember that day?
Do you remember when Mike became big bad Mike? Do you remember the
day you bought your blue Canadian Tire bike, pedalling furiously on
the way home and bunny hopped across the entire hood of my truck?
Maybe not, Mike, maybe that didn’t happen but you need to know that in
my mind as I look back upon those far away days you are a superhero.
(In purple and yellow Spandex with a cape and a Nerf sword)
I’m excited about you coming to scope out this church. I’m excited
about you rediscovering the church that I love so much. This is a
church where people receive love and healing, purple and yellow
Spandex suits, exposure to Christ, toenail clippers, big laughs,
heckling from the congregation on a Sunday morning, and tons of food.
See Mike, here’s the reason I’m writing. You’re too skinny. If you
truly want to hang with the burrito bouncers you need to start eating.
I know these are harsh words, Mike, but interventions must be staged
and in honor of us helping us rebuild our damaged economy, buffets
MUST be visited. You see Mike, I’ve been hearing complaints about
your lack of buffetness. I need you to work on that.
There’s another reason the possibility of your coming intrigues me.
See, there is something lacking that Nathan Weselake does not know
about. Nathan believes he understands the major needs of the church
but there is one item that completely escapes him. Mike, you are the
person for the job. I cannot describe this need without the use of
Justin Timberlake. Mike, I need you to “bring Sexy back”.
Feet are interesting body parts. They grow nails, yet are no good for
adhering pieces of wood together. They have soles but no spirits.
They have heels yet we bring them with us everywhere we go.
Apparently we hate our toes. We are forever smashing them into
corners and freezing them in the winter. To top this all off we
either bury them in boots or try to drown them in water under the ruse
of swimming. And with that, I leave you with my family motto “We
don’t do bad grounds”.
By the way, Mandy’s reminding me to let you know we’re excited to get
to know Erin better as well.


And now something for the sisters!


Yo! It's the green machine,
gonna rock the town without bein' seen
Have you ever seen a turtle get down?
Slammin' and Jammin' to the new swing sound
Yeah, everybody let's move
Vanilla is here with the new Jack Groove
Gonna rock, and roll this place
With the power of the Ninja Turtle bass
Iceman, ya know I'm not playin'
Devastate the show while the turtles are sayin'

(Chorus)
Ninja, Ninja, Rap!
Ninja, Ninja, Rap!
Ninja, Ninja, Rap!
Go Go Go Go
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!
Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go!
Go Go Go Go

Lyrics, fill in the gap
Drop that bass and get the Ninja Rap
Just feel it, if you know what I mean
Give it up, for the heroes in green
Just flowin', smooth with the power
Kickin� it up, hour after hour
Cause in this life there's only one winner
You better aim good so you can hit the center
In it to win it, with a team of four
Ninja Turtles that you gotta adore it's the

(Chorus)

Villians you better run and hide
Because one day you might not slide
So choose your weapon but don't slip
Vanilla's in control with the flex of the mic grip
Rockin' the crowd the way it should be rocked
With the Miami drop that you like a lot
Hittin' like a Ninja Turtle when the bass kicks in
You better check your level
The power of the Ninja is strong
Fightin' all the crooks until they're all out cold








what do you think? would you feel welcome?