I dig golf

MoooA farmer in Germany certainly said a mouthful in 1994 when he filed a lawsuit against the owners of a neighboring golf club for what he claimed were the murders of 30 of his cows. He filed the suit after a veterinarian investigating the death of the cows found a golf ball lodged in the throat of one of the recently deceased. Further investigation led to the discovery that, all told, the 30 cows had swallowed about 2000 golf balls that had apparently strayed from the grounds of the golf course into the farmer's cow pasture.

Dead SeagullsOn the first hole of his qualifying round for the 1935 Society of One Armed Golfers'championship, J.W. Perret killed a seagull with his first approach shot. He matched the feat with his secondapproach shot as well.

Bar Chip ShotDuring an Amateur Stroke Play event in 1974, Nigel Denham hit his second shot straight intothe clubhouse where it bounced its way to the men's bar. Since it was not considered out of bounds, Denhamopened a window and pitched the ball from the bar onto the green, 12 feet from the hole.

Heavy Armor:In 1912, Harry Dearth played a match at Bushey Hall in England while wearing a completesuite of heavy armor. He lost the match.

Broken Shaft:In 1951, Edward Harrison was playing at the Inglewood Country Club in Seattle, when theshaft of his driver broke and pierced his groin. He staggered 100 yards before he collapsed and bled to death.

Dead CowsIn 1934, the pro at St. Margaret's-at-Cliffe Golf Club in England struck a cow on the back ofthe head with his tee shot on the 18th hole. The cow died instantly.

A German TouristSupposedly on a golf holiday to England shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

Nice Shot!When Neville Rowlanson, 56, teed off on the first hole at a golf course in Suffolk, England, his drive deflected off a marker in front of the tee. The ball then caromed to the right, went 25 yards, struck the pin on the 18th green and dropped into the cup. Golf World magazine called the feat a "course-in-one."
Only in the USA:Dale L. Larson's $41,000 trial-court award was upheld by a Wisconsin appeals court in October, which agreed with the trial court that the Indianhead golf course in Wausau was 51 percent responsible for Larson's needing nine root canals and 23 dental crowns. Larson tripped on his golf spikes and fell hard on his face on a brick path outside the clubhouse, and he argued that he wouldn't have fallen if it had been a smooth concrete sidewalk rather than a brick path. The trial court had found that only 49 percent of the accident was due to Larson's having consumed 13 drinks that evening, which left him with a blood-alcohol level of 0.28 90 minutes after the fall.

mmmmm pizza

A new Restaurant opens in calgary. On the window a sign says 'We have all food and we mean it. If you can name something we don't have,you win 1 million dollars!' A man walks by,reads the sign and says ' I'll try this' so he goes in and says, 'can I have caterpillar legs on rye bread?' They say coming right up. The next day he goes in determined and says 'Can I have worms in my spaghetti?' They say 'coming right up!' So he tries and tries about 9 more times. Still no one has won the money. The 10th time he walks in and says,' Can I have elephant ears on white bread?' they say.....'of course! theres no stopping you is there....coming right up!' About 10 minutes later the waiter comes with the money. The man said 'I thought you had it!?!' The waiter said 'we had the elephant ears, but we ran out of white bread!'

air tool galore

Today I'm going to Saskatoon I'm going to Saskatoon to pick up and air compressor this is a huge air compressor this is the kind of air compressor that can run any air tools there are. This is cool because not only will I have the ability to operate air tools but also because I am going with my father. My father is one of my best friends we have always spent ample time together and a trip like this is something we both look forward to this is the kind of trip where chips get bought, pop gets drunk the liquid, kind not my father and we spent six hours together just talking!
Two years ago I went to Ontario to drive back with my father my mother flew and we loaded up all of their belongings and drove together for four days throughout my life I have heard people dread spending extended periods of time with their parents this has never been the case with me I have always enjoyed spending time with my parents. We have a good time we talked we laugh and we do fun stuff.
I am now a place in life where I look at my own son and Holcomb that he is and my relationship will be as good as my father's relationship with me at youth group ideal with a guy whose father left him a when he was about three years old he is now 16 years old and is just entering a really cool part in life this is the time when he is choosing whether or not he will go to college what college she will go to whether or not he will buy a car what kind of car to buy should he buy a truck he's also making major personality changes he is no longer a little boy but he is becoming a man he is beginning to generate the opinions about things he has realized he needs to be able to back up those opinions these learning how to treat women he's learning that 16 year old girls are no longer little girls these learning that he cannot get away with all the things he used to get away with he is at a very interesting time in his life and his father is missing it all I look at my son and can't wait for the time when he is discovering these things I think it will be huge fun to watch him go through this and assuming he is willing go through these things with him some fathers missed this stuff mine didn't and I won't
anyway today I'm off to Saskatoon I promise you a few things nothing good for us will happen and we will likely be deeply engrossed in some sort of mindless media made of vegetarians of this world goes stark raving mad mwa har har har har hem!

P.S. all of this post has bin done on voice recognition software
That’s right! I talked it!!

3 midterms down

all i want to do is cry
and sleep
and eat
and sing
and laugh
and drive very fast
and run
and whease
and stop running
and keep wheasing
and drive very fast
and pass out
and dance
and shout
and have a slurpy
and call someone a twit (Jef........................ naaa)
and find out if red head people know they are the reason for marshmellos
and many other things that have nothing to do with tomatos
also I hate wearing socks
i want to go to the beach and fly a kite into a plane and have the plane pull me up and make me fly accross the water and then eat a hot dog
also i hate tomatos
ever wonder why we do the things we do?
i dont
so there
update your blog chris
scotty is gonna be a dad again
hi Lorraine
zelda is a dog

DANGER!!this is not a blog post

i am just wondering how long it takes to post this way

DO NOT READ!!!

NOT A POST!!!


DANGER
extreeme redundancy ahead!

DO NOT READ



























chev sucks!

heh

Unanswered Questions
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out its nose?
If the #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2?
If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?
The "Psychic Friends Network" went out of business... didn't they see it coming?
Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And If so, how would you treat them?
Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
If a word is mispelled in the dictionary, is it mispelled?
And if it is mispelled, how would we know?-AML
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
If you are dialing from a touch-tone phone, Why do you call it 'dialing'? -Ziggy
23. Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
24. If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?
25. Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?
26. "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
27. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
28. Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
29. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
30. Can you get cornered in a round room?
31. Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?
32. Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
33. Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
34. Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
35. Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?
36. If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?
37. Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
38. Why do you go "back and forth" to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
39. Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?
40. If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?
41. You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?
42. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
43. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
44. How is it possible to have a civil war?
45. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
46. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
47. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
48. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
49. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
50. Why on Earth, with over 3/4 of our planet covered by water, don't we call it 'ocean'?--Ziggy
51. Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?*
52. Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? *
53. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? *
54. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be wise to: "Quit while you're ahead"? *
55. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? *
56. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? *
57. Most mothers feed their babies with little spoons and forks. What do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?*
58. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these people? Why don't they put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while delivering the mail?*
59. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? *
60. After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water? *
61. If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? *
62. What's another word for Thesaurus?--Steven Wright*
63. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?*
Why is it that when trasporting stuff on a car its called a SHIPment, but if transporting stuff on a ship its called CARgo?*

dang it!

So, i am at school today and a thought hits me……………………………….. I don’t wanna be here
So now I have a few options. I could just bolt and skip all classes perhaps take the time and perfect my milkshake ordering skills, or I could just skip some but not all and then I would be able to say I went to school for a reason, or I could just stay home and snooooooooooooooooz!! :) perhaps a U.F.O. would come and snatch me up and cart me off to some far off land! That would be groovy. Or maybe I should go to the church and work on my stuff for youth next week. I could probably get one of the Ulriksens to skip with me (be it work or class) Sometimes I can even get a small party going witch entertains everyone!!
Here is the thing!! I am married to a powerful lady and I have a son. Now, by law, i am required to have a continues about this stuff! Maybe I should go get some videos and just chill
Nope! I went to school
Sigh
Adulthood has captured me
Sigh!!
I have a 7:am meeting tomorrow that I have to drive 30 minutes to get to
Remember when you thought that homework kept you busy?
bah