the last thing a hamburger ever sees!

I think that canned pears are the best canned fruit! Close behind are peaches!
I think that chunky peanut butter is the best kind!
I think that diet cola is the best cola!
I think that chocolate and peanut butter is the perfect combination!
I think that pralines and cream is the best ice cream!
I think that mobil 1 is the best synthetic oil!
I think that candy is better than no candy!
I think that the zoo has lots of different kinds of poop!
I think that socks should never match!
I think that jeans are the most comfy!
I think that black is better than white!
I think that summer is too hot!
I think that people are fun!
I think that no people is not as fun as people!
I think that camping is the perfect vacation!
I think that Canada is not all cold, flat, or full of maple trees!
I think that I should have some supper!

P Dub

I have had 3 people accost me regarding the lack of pics of my boy on my blog so here are some!

hotrods

hotrods qualify under toys, not cars

people and cars!

Regarding cars, there are five different types of people in this world. The first kind of person makes the least sense. They will put an inordinate amount of money into a car that is guaranteed to not make them money (Cavaliers are the perfect example). Although a Cavalier is a car that some people deem a quality vehicle, these are people who out and out refuse to pay any attention to any literature regarding quality of cars. Literarature regarding the quality of cars does not include promotional brochures from the dealership. These cars are usually owned and at the very best, maintained, solely out of sentimental value. This type of person is usually quite content with their vehicle and their situation and find their money spending completely justified. More power to them.

The second type of person is a person who although I am not this type of person, I greatly admire. They buy and extraordinarily economical car (these people understand that economics are not limited to fuel consumption, but simply to how much money is spent on a vehicle in its entirety by the end of every month). They drive this vehicle, usually for years, (because they are smart enough to buy vehicles that will last years) until the vehicle flamboyantly expires. When they repeat the process, this type of person tends to have spent extraordinarily little on reliable transportation. Their motto is, no flash, but lots of dash.

The third type of person makes some sense, although, I would not choose this. They buy a car brand new, they buy extended warrantee, they drive the car without much attention to the car, except for maintenance until the car is deemed no longer safe or at least, no longer prudent to their style of life. (They had children or something like that). They then sell the car at an enormous loss and go buy another brand new car. This means that in someone’s entire life of driving, they will drive perhaps four or five different cars. The last one definitely being a Caddy or Buick. Although this has some merit to it, it is not the option I subscribe to.

The fourth kind of person makes no sense at all. They buy a care for between 5-10000, they do not maintain it; they effectively grind the car into dust. They then complain that the vehicle was a bad vehicle and they take out another loan, purchase another car and repeat the process. These people tend to make foolish decisions, like not changing their oil, and never cleaning the car. They also choose terribly marginal vehicles (Chevy makes a killing off these people).

The fifth kind of person is me. I buy a vehicle, I do what I can to the vehicle to increase the value, and then I sell the vehicle. As for frequent use vehicles, they should not exceed $500 purchase price and $1000 repair value total. The vehicle should last 1 ½-2 years.

These are the only options. If you don’t fit one of these, you actually fit # 1 or 4!

oops

guess who did not check his blog for swear words before he published!
oops sorry
does this make me po,mo?

computers still suck and my dog whistles

ass one hr to all preavious blog times. Anyone know why this is happining? my computer says its an hr and 2 minnuts later than the blog does! grrrrr!

mmmmmmmm sleep

ever wonder why your up at 2:13 am and wrighting a blog?

baaaaaah

that was not my falt! Computers suck

I used Doritos instead of Lettuce

Sometimes I just love a penutbutter and banana sandwich. Now is one of those times. Problem! I don’t have any bananas. So the question is what is the next best thing? Jam? Cheese? A new car? I don’t think any of it will replace the banana, so I will just move on to onions. Red onions are the best tasting onion but they make your burps smell so bad that after one particularly bad instance, I swore off them for always. We can’t be smelling bad you know! So in there stead I have substituted bacon. Now, bacon is one of. the foods that I think tastes better when it is fake, turkey bacon is better than real cuz it is all meat and no fat. This is not a health concern, but instead this is a point in flavor. If you have the opportunity to eat eggs then they should always and only be done, over easy, scrambled, hardboiled, or cooked in something. Everything else is gross! Sometimes eggs go with stake! Stake is a food that is hard to wreck! So don’t!
Why do people paint there tow nails? You just put shoes on

When my wife leaves for the day, I eat things like egg salid with Doritos instead of Lettuse!
Yuck

I used doritos

Sometimes I just love a penutbutter and banana sandwich. Now is one of those times. Problem! I don’t have any bananas. So the question is what is the next best thing? Jam? Cheese? A new car? I don’t think any of it will replace the banana, so I will just move on to onions. Red onions are the best tasting onion but they make your burps smell so bad that after one particularly bad instance, I swore off them for always. We can’t be smelling bad you know! So in there stead I have substituted bacon. Now, bacon is one of. the foods that I think tastes better when it is fake, turkey bacon is better than real cuz it is all meat and no fat. This is not a health concern, but instead this is a point in flavor. If you have the opportunity to eat eggs then they should always and only be done, over easy, scrambled, hardboiled, or cooked in something. Everything else is gross! Sometimes eggs go with stake! Stake is a food that is hard to wreck! So don’t!
Why do people paint there tow nails? You just put shoes on

Thats right, My wife is out and I used Doritos in the place of lettuce!
Im just no good on my own!

pet peeves

For 2 weeks I have had the opportunity to hear different people talk about how the opposite sex views them! Not in the visual sense cuz the conversation would only be one word long for the girls referring to the guys “often”, but instead the conversation is about what the other sex must be thinking. Girls, I’m here to tell you that you are so off base you cant even see the dimond! No guy has ever thought as in-depth about any thing as you want to give him credit for! We are simple people with simple thoughts; this is why the biggest thing we want out of life IS A CAR! That doesn’t sound simple to you? Do you know what I would do if I had stupid amounts of money? I WOULD BUY A CAR! Girls would open businesses or start college funds; girls would help people in other countries or perhaps make some investments for the future. I would need a girl to tell me to do that, I would not come up with that on my own, that is why God put woman on this plaint, to help men! This is not sexist, rather it puts woman higher up the men like a baby is helpless with out there mom, men are hopeless without someone to help (if you are offended by this then quit reading and go back to your veggies). MEN ARE DUMB! There I said it



Here’s another peeve of mine, if you have ever bin known to say that “insert name here is intimidated by me” YOU ARE WRONG! THEY DON’T THINK ARGUING WITH YOU IS WORTH THE HASSLE! People just want you to go away. If you ever catch yourself saying that people find you intimidating, then you must ask yourself if anything you have done could make people aggravated with you 100% of the time the ansoure is yes!

And breathe

mmmmmmmmmmhem

there is but one word to describe Stelth (the movie)


Sigh

sonofagun

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
2. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
3. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
4. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
5. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
6. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
7. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
8. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
9. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
10. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
11. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
12. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
13. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
14. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
15. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
16. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
17. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

think like chev, think like chev.

Whoever said engineers have no sense of humor, never worked for this bunch…..

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. (By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident).
(P = The problem logged by the pilot).

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers).
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode prodeces a 200 feet per minute decent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievable loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windsheld.

S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

1990 ford mustang GT

Yesterday I was at work and I found out that i am really no good at being by my self at the church. I got into youth ministry cuz I wanted to work with people (youth) and not to sit at a desk all day. Now, this propelled me to get my work done quick so as to free myself up for going out with a youth (Sam) to get him a motorcycle. I did everything I needed to do and left. Church work is a whole lot of work! Everything is in need of prep all the time and there is very little time to do it in. Sigh

The point of this story is that I called Sam at noon to tell him that he had the bike, but in doing so I managed to wake him up! Now this is ok cuz he is young and it is summer and he works at night. I wonder when it stopped being ok for me to do this? I like sleep, I do! I also work at night often. And unlike Chris U. I actually spent the time to read peoples blogs. I am a very busy man. I want to sleep till noon! Bahhhhh
Sigh

Enter Darrell U. he has bin woken up by a phone call from me at 4 pm! 4!! I clamed innocents He should have bin up! I waited till I was sure everyone must be up….. But he wasn’t! Sigh

I once had a 1990 ford mustang! It was black and had a big v8. It was a 5 speed and did a very good burnout! My first real fast hotrod! It ended up getting vandalized and even after it got fixed; it was never the same again. So I sold it!

things to do when at walmart

1. Pick up condom packages & randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3 in housewares,' ... and see what happens
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?
9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.
12. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say 'PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!'
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position and scream 'NO! It's those voices again.'
And the last Thing you can do at Walmart while your spouse is shopping,
15. Go into a fitting room and yell real loud "We're out of toilet paper in here!"

1984 f150 and a C.B Radio

So today I installed a C.B. radio in my f150! Not cuz I wanna talk to truckers (although that will be fun) and not cuz of the return of dukes of hazard (yayyyyy) and really not cuz its cool (it aint and R.P youth will mock me), but rather cuz I don’t care!! I really don’t, this is one of the autos I have owned that I genuinely do not care what it looks like! It is so liberating! I don’t wash it nor do I try to keep it from getting rusty, I simply rejoice in its ability to offend vegetarians. I keep it running well and I make sure it is safe……………. And then I leave it!
I found the C.B. at a garage sale for 3 bucks so I bought it. I took it apart and cleaned it, and then I installed it! Now I am a bonnified hillbilly and I am proud of it. I have installed 4 more lights on it (two front facing and two rear) put glass pack mufflers on it (heh) put tires that are too big on it (mwa har har har ) and now put a C.B. radio in it!!
The trucks name is Dunkin and here is a pic of it!
P.S. did anyone else notice that we haven’t heard from Chris for a loooooong tome and when we finally do hear from him, all he does is complain? Sounds like a bible college student to me. Maybe some day he will grow out of it I hope.